Courage.
It is a word I have heard over and over in my time in and around church. So often, it was along the lines of being a Christian requires courage. Or living out our faith will take courage. Or standing up for others will take courage. It sounded great and for the longest time I thought I understood it. However, now I am not sure it actually applies or if really ever did.
My relationship with church has always been one of say contention, however the reason for those contentions changed as I grew and moved through the many phases of my young life. At first it was just boredom; which is to be expected. Not many kids like sitting in uncomfortable seats listening to a dude with white hair talk about some guy you can’t see. The Ninja Turtles were more real than Jesus or God was. I could see Michelangelo eating pizza, I never got to see Jesus do the same.
Add in getting up and down, or kneeling in the case of my catholic days, over and over. Singing the same songs and reading/listening to words that make no sense or sound like they are in a different language.
When I was in middle school I got confirmed at a local Catholic church, I think family pressure caused my family to make sure I got confirmed. I hated my confirmation classes, we weren’t allowed to question anything and it was just lecture after lecture at least that is how I remember it all these years later.
In the Catholic faith you pick a confirmation name and it is supposed to be like a middle name and that name is supposed to be a saint’s name. So when it came time to pick my saint I had the following finalists; Xavier, Bonaventure and one other I can’t remember. The reason that Xavier and Bonaventure made the list was that they had basketball teams and were colleges. Well, my mom vetoed Xavier so I ended up with Bonaventure (who was kind of a bad ass and did a lot to settle differences). I tell you this because it shows how serious I had taken this confirmation thing or even my view on how much importance church had in my life. The only thing I took serious at that time was picking my sponsor, my grandpa because he means so much to me and it was a way I could honor him.
Now I should stop here and say I believe in God and haven’t really questioned that too often in my life. I should also state the most of my religious experiences have been in influenced by Catholic or Lutheran Missouri Synod belief systems. There have been times I have questioned certain things about the religion but not my belief in God. A lot of my beliefs were shaped by my family and with church too, which is not out of the ordinary. I had strong feelings that have now changed because I learned more and took a look at numbers and statistics, something that was always missing in my young relationship with church. I remember asking for clarification on something from a teacher during confirmation and her response was basically, we don’t talk about that stuff here, my job is teach you the bible. I always thought that was weird. If confirmation is about us publicly saying we believe in God, why are we not allowed to have real conversations about our faith and what is happening in the world God created.
After all the confirmation stuff was over and done with I took a break from church until around my freshman or sophomore year in high school. At that point I started going with some friends to a local Lutheran church. I got very involved with my faith at that point and loved it. I got involved with youth group and so on. I went on trips to conferences and that continued through college as well. I loved being around my friends and going to church with those people. I had adult mentors and a pastor that allowed us to challenge our faith and ask questions. We could have real conversations about our faith and not once did we feel talked down to or told to stop. The best thing about this experience is that we could have discussions about how “real” life issues intersected with religion. We could always have open and honest talk. I thrived under that and it caused me to feel more and more comfortable with my faith. Additionally, there were time were leaders said they didn’t know. As Christians, we have faith. If you look up the word faith it is described as a “strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.” Which means as much as we believe in God or the bible or whatever, we have no real proof. That is not say he or the bible are wrong but does point to the fact there are things we will never know or can be 100% certain of, at least on this earth.
This continued in college as I had friends who are now pastors or work in the church. I could, or us I guess, could always have honest talks about faith and real world issues. We were open to discussing that things weren’t black and white and how there weren’t simple answers to tough questions. We did not have all the answers but we explored the possible answers and explored topics that are not blatantly covered in the bible. There was understanding in those moments, it seems that piece is gone.
Fast forward to 2019 and it seems like everything has changed. Not in regards to the people I mentioned above but about my excitement to be part of a church. There are too many Christians that seem to have their head in the sand about what is happening in the world around them. Ignorance feeds into their words and actions, creating what we see/hear today. Part of it is that I no longer live next to my friends in college nor live near the church I went to in high school. Not being near sane people of faith to talk with has meant I hear what people in power or outspoken people have to say, which is not a full representation, however it is scary what these self-described Christians shout off. They claim love so often and then come back and stab love in the back.
There also seems to be this inability for churches or people in charge of religious organizations to admit they might not know everything. Constantly I hear these people yell that abortion is bad, or things about homosexuality, often with no ability to rationally explain their stance. What is weird it that these people never seem to talk about anything else that could be seen as negative in their religion. They also never seem to have real life talks about any of these issues or go very deep. I.E. – Abortion. They shout how terrible it is but never talk about what they would do to help all these babies that would be born to broken homes, with ailments their parents can’t cover due to medical coverage, helping support to change to make adoption possible, and on and on. They say blanket things and disappear back into their holes.
The time of just saying we all make mistakes and sin followed by a simple call to fix an issue has passed. Or even worse, how often has a pastor/leader says something along the lines of “I speed so I, just like you sin. I recognize that and so we all need to recognize our sin so we can fix it.” Then they follow that up with how we shouldn’t watch porn or cheat on our wife/husband, or some other sin that is so far from the act of speeding it makes me want cut the cord of their microphone. It is that kind of non-sense that needs to stop and real talk needs to begin. These leaders have to be human, the messy, broken, sometimes awful people we are. We too as Christians have to do this. I have lustful thoughts almost every day. I watch things I shouldn’t and say things I shouldn’t. I have had racist thoughts and will probably fall short on that again. I am rude and don’t account for other’s feelings often. I constantly judge others. This is by no means the end of the list.
More infuriating is how they often post things about how love conquers all or how great God’s love is. But then follow it up by post/saying nonsensical or misguided things about racism, refugees, mass shootings, vaccines, minorities, mental health, women’s rights, environment and more. The church also seems to say silent about all of this as well, ignoring it like they aren’t real issues. Or even contradict themselves. Go to LCMS.org and look up/compare their stance on alcohol and marijuana and compare how okays one but not the other.
These people have poisoned church and my motivation to be a part of it. In addition, they have no problem overlooking a leader who constantly lies, bullies, cheats and more. This goes beyond political strategies or agendas. Those all have a place for rational conversation and debate. The way we cover healthcare or tax people or more can be discussed and argued without needing advice from any sort of church group, social group or more.
In contrast, these people have no problem calling out faceless people for their behaviors despite never caring/knowing the motivation behind the decision, yet stay silent or even defend this man.
Too often the religious leaders blame the secular world because the people in charge have an inability to look inward. Some high leaders in the Catholic faith still blame homosexuality for why their priests are molesting children. I don’t understand how people who seem to hold religion close to their heart have the inability to actually live that love out. They stand so close to their faith they can’t handle when it is questioned.
For me, the motivation to go to church or be involved is not being killed by the secular world or by outside influences, it is being killed by people in the church. By people who claim to be stout followers and leaders in the church. They are the greatest threat to Christianity in my eyes. The inability for these people to show the courage to have real world discussions and be vulnerable is killing church and in return, the attendance at church. At the very least it is turning people into zombies, ones who show up on days to go through motions and then return home. This can’t continue, there has to be changes. These aren’t radical changes in terms of editing or picking out things to make life easier. It is about religious leaders becoming more open to have real discussions about what is happening in life and take a look inward more often. The church is not the same as it was in 1850 so the idea of not wanting to adapt in 2019 is ridiculous. We all learn and grow as we grow up, the church should be no different.
Something else now rules the lives and leaders of so many in the Church. Despite calls against it and despite references to it appearing over 350 times in the Bible. It gets to be ignored by so many that tell us we need more of the Bible in our world.
Fear.
コメント